“How to Connect with your Father on Father’s Day like Never Before – Even though he’s very Distant”
Are you one of those people who always wanted to have a connection with your Father, but for some reason you have never been able to? What if I tell you that I can show you how?
Would you say your dad is very distant, especially with you – or with every one? Or maybe he talks to everyone but you. So you wonder – what’s the deal? Why can I not connect or communicate with Dad in a closer way?
One of my very special clients wanted so much to connect with her father. Let’s call her Susan.
Susan is now a recovering attorney turned Spiritual Teacher. When she came to me she had already done a lot of personal growth programs, but still could not reach her dad emotionally.
Her father was a kind, quiet, hard-working man. He was very intelligent and would readily speak of politics or civic affairs, but would never share himself personally. Sound familiar?
Later in his life he became very ill, and was not expected to live very long. Susan was very sad as she remembered her closeness to her father up to the age of twelve. She would follow him all around and help him do chores and repair things. She loved it. So did he. When she was about twelve years of age, he made a dramatic change. He no longer included Susan in any activities. She longed for his connection, but to her, he was gone. She didn’t know why.
When her dad became ill, Susan was determined to connect with him before he passed away. At first, she did what she should not do. She traveled to his state with an expectation that HE would change. After a few days, she shared with me that she was giving up and leaving, “as he would never connect.”
After listening to her experiences, it was clear SHE was the one who was not connecting, and she didn’t know it. Her dad was just mirroring her behavior.
I supported Susan to ‘Show Up’ and be Honest with her dad. I asked her to do the following:
1. Experience her pure feelings.
2. Share her feelings when she creates a safe place to do so.
3. Take Responsibility for her feelings and know her feelings are about her.
4. Choose Differently – Choose Love!
Susan shared with her dad how she really felt, and her sincere desire to connect with him and know him. Instead of leaving, Susan scheduled breakfast with her dad at his home. When she shared what she really wanted and how sad she was that they never shared intimately – dad had tears in his eyes. So did Susan. He said, “This connection is all I ever wanted with you. I just didn’t know how to do it.” Susan admitted that she also was lost and did not know how to connect.
They spent breakfast together, very intimately – honest and open with each other. They admitted this was the first time they ever felt so close all their life.
Susan is so grateful that she made connection with her dad a priority.
She did the following:
Made a Conscious Choice to create intimacy with her dad.
She Committed to this Choice, by making time and visiting dad out of state.
She took Action! She set time aside to be with dad and to ‘Show Up’ and ‘tell the truth and allowed her dad to know her in a way she never had before.
Susan’s dad passed away a few months later. Susan felt complete with him and was able to connect deeply and support him as he transitioned. She now feels a closeness to him that she never even imagined.
Are you willing to Allow and Create the space to Really Know your dad and allow him to Really Know You this Father’s Day? The time is NOW!
photo credit: fallwithme
"I was able to see life-long patterns that have held me back for so long, in so many ways - and most importantly, I could see how to trust myself enough to change those patterns and make new, more empowered choices..."
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This is a beautiful story and a great reminder how to show up with those I love in my life. It really touched my heart. Thank you for the tools I learned at the Mastering Your Life intensive that helped regain my relationship with my dad too… I missed him all my life and didn't know what to do about it until you gave me the daily tools to transform it all. Thank you.
What a great story. I really related to following my dad around, being his little helper, then missing him as I got older because things changed. But thanks to the Mastering Your Life program, I also had a similar experience with my dad where we connected in a very different and heartfelt way before he crossed. These are awesome tools and tips that really work! Thank you, Esperanza, for sharing your timely wisdom with us all.
What I like about this story is that it doesn't have to be your father. Sometimes it's my mother, a long-time girfriend, or a colleague with whom I yearn for a deeper connection. It's been such a gift to be able to turn inside and check-in with my own tapes, my fears and resentments, my ideas of who I am and how they are in between me and the other person. Through MYL and the meditation downloads, I've really been able to shift things, and choose love instead of fear. I'm so grateful!
I attended many workshops with Esperanza. I studied with the Soul institute for several years. I learned so much that I use all the time, so much that I have to really look because the tools and ways of perceiving life have become so much apart of who I am. I chose to comment on the father piece because my father passed away also a little over a year ago. When I attended S.O.U.L I had almost no connection with him. I was walled off with anger and sadness. At some point, I guess when I was ready all my stories about my father fell apart. My love came back and lucky me so did his. I actually think it was always there and I didn’t know it. I was to busy making him wrong for all my feelings. My dad and I spent the last decade of his life in the bliss of total love. I can not thank Esperanza enough for her undying support. I was so stuck and the house of cards finally broke. I feel so deeply still in love with my dear ole dad. At the end because there was so much safety between us he allowed me to ease his fear of death by pouring out so much wisdom about life and death that he so needed. We gave each other something that changed us deep inside. We parted in unconditional love and I live everyday in the freedom that has given me. I made a choice to love and that choice is alive. Thanks to everyone at Soul Institute!
Hi John! Thank you for sharing your Heart and Soul here! It is soooo beautifully stated. I know you will help so many people. I do remember your torment around your relationship with your father, and the magnificent transformations you choose with your dad. I Love how you are taking responsibility for your interpretation of your experience with your dad, and how you made different choices that allowed the both of you to Realize the deep Love you have for each other – prior to his crossing. You are such a Special man, as was your dad. So awesome that you two Remembered ‘Divine Truth,’ together. This is why you incarnated into this dimension together. I know you will tou
ch many with your Love and Wisdom. I Love You! Esperanza
Wow Valerie! You sure have shifted in a short time! It’s so beautiful how you take responsibly and choose to look within YOU rather than look at others and judge them. This Conscious Choice of yours has really granted an opportunity for you to create and attract the relationships you truly desire and deserve. I Love being a part of your transformation. Thank You! Love, Esperanza
Dynah, thank you for sharing here! It was so awesome to be with you as you chose to heal with your dad before his crossing. You two have so much Love for eachother! For you to Remember and Realize your Oneness, before he left, is such a Blessing to each of us Present with you. God is Blessing you! She really Loves you!
Hi Don! What an honor it is for me to be part of your growth and transformation. The work you have done to Love and Accept you, and your dad, is so magnificent! I loved your connecting with him before he crossed. What a gift to you, him, us, and the whole world! Love You!
You know Esperanza, the final months I had with my dad were a real gift to me and, I know, to him… a relationship where there had been none. It was such a bonus to heal that and have special times to remember, and all of that was made possible with your support and the skills and tools I learned at Mastering Your Life. I recommend to anyone, actually to everyone, you really do need to attend this powerful program. Mastering Your Life will help you change your life in every way!
i hope this story could change my life