“How to Love the People You Hate”

I would like to commend you in your desire to bring Peace and Joy into your relationships. Remember that you are your true healer, and only you can make the real difference. You cannot do anything to the other person. You can only change yourself.

Let’s make it fun and easy with Five Simple Steps. As you live these steps in your daily life, you will attract others to you with a similar level of Love and Responsibility in relationship.

First, let me share with you that these Five Simple Steps can only work if you live them through your Heart. You cannot choose to apply them through your head. This would be temporary success.

What must one do to make these Five Steps work? You must first make a commitment to use these five steps no matter what! You make this choice before you are in the difficult situation. Regardless of how you feel or think, you commit to follow these Five Steps.

Before I tell you the Five Steps – Let’s picture a scenario – Think of someone who always pushes your buttons. Whenever this person is near you, you get upset! You feel anger, fear, sadness, rage – so much so that you don’t ever want to be around them.

What do you do? Yell? Cry? Scream? Withdraw? Or do you just try to avoid this person?

The Five Steps are a recipe for doing things differently. These steps apply to every situation in which you find yourself getting upset with another person. If you follow these steps devotedly, you will transform this relationship from one of fear and anger to one of Love and Freedom for each of you.

The FIVE SIMPLE STEPS

1. Free Yourself: Know that whatever is going on with the other person has nothing to do with you. Their reaction is about themselves, and their history. Whatever is going on with you (inside) is about you and your history. This is where you want to focus, ON YOU!

2. Stop, Do Nothing: When the incident starts, STOP! Do nothing, say nothing. Never say the first thing that comes to you. You have to be in the past, and so is the other person. You’re both “Gone.” No one is present in this current situation. It is important to be very aware of you, and what you are experiencing. This is a goldmine for self-awareness, and ultimately, personal freedom. Listen to you, and to them. Listen with Self-Love, Self-Acceptance, and Self-Respect.

3. Share or Exit: If it feels safe, share the truth about you. Not about them. What are you feeling? Where does this feeling come from? The feeling is yours and belongs in your history. If it does not feel safe to share about you, just listen to you. What are you thinking, feeling? What sensations are you experiencing? As soon as you can, create a safe and graceful exit.

4. Write: As soon as you can, go to a safe place and write about your experience. Write about you, not the other person. Write with Self-Love and Self-Acceptance. Address the following topics:

• What did you think, feel and sense in this situation?
• What specifically triggered this?
• Remember earlier times in life when you had very similar thoughts, feelings, sensations, responses, and reactions.
• How does this past experience impact on you now?

5. Choose Differently: Choose to transform your relationships. Commit to yourself – that you will choose differently now. You will choose Love over fear. Choose not to stay stuck in the past and create relationships based on your past. Commit that you will create the life you truly desire, rather than one you unconsciously choose…

Click here for more information on how to apply these principles and create a Life of Love, Peace and Joy,

Here’s to creating the Life of your Dreams,

Esperanza Universal,

photo credit: Steve Rhode